The Austin's

Totally Spaced Out

2009-03-04T13:36:00.003-05:00

So I have to make a correction on my last entry.

Apparently I spaced out trying to remember the words Jesse can say. I have an online journal for him that I started before he was born. I log all his development there and apparently when I was writing my notes to transfer to this blog I either missed this information or didn't log it in the journal.

Anyway - On top of the 18 words mentioned in the previous note, he also knows flower, hot and yay. He said "yay" the other day and I thought to myself, yay is a word so he's been saying that one for a while it just clicked that it as a word. (blonde moment)

He's been saying flower for a while too but it must have slipped my mind in the journal. I have a shirt with a huge flower on it and he loves to look at it. Just yesterday I was folding the clothes and that shirt was in there. He pulled it out and cuddled with it. He loves it!

Apparently he started saying hot on Saturday at my mom's house. So the total is 21 words. Still my least favorite is stuck!

He is such an awesome little boy and I feel so blessed to be at home with him. It so rewarding!!!

Update

2009-02-28T20:53:00.006-05:00

Hola! It's been far too long since I've updated this blog but unfortunately with an 18 month old around there isn't much time to actually sit and type anything meaningful.

I can't believe my baby is nearly 18 months old. That is insane. He is growing so fast and I am loving every minute of it (except how fast it's going). He now knows 18 words: dada, mama, kiki (kitty), cracker, nana, baby, be bu (belly button), mon (moon), ba (ball), uh oh, star, stuck, po tart (poptart), ice, mellow (marshmellow), stairs, dog, papa. My least favorite of which is stuck. He totally knows what it means and he uses it all the time. He'll throw a ball (which he is really good at. he has great aim.) and it will roll under the couch and he will let us know (loudly) that it is stuck. He's seen me lift the ottoman for him to get to the ball, so now he thinks he can lift it and he tries! Then, when it doesn't budge he says "stuck". It's a vicious cycle. :)

He has a chair, that belonged to my mom when she was little, in his room and he loves to climb up in it, sit down and then scoot out. He will do this for hours. He's also learned how to walk down the smaller set of steps by himself. Typically he throws balls and toys down into the hallway and, again, lets us know that they are "stuck". Now all we have to do it open the gate and he will go down and play in the hallway with the ball. He loves to throw it at the steps and watch it bounce back to him. This kid has an amazing arm. If he's looking at you with a ball in the "cocked" position, you had better watch out becuase he will throw it directly at/to you.

We took him to the Ashville, North Carolina to let him see the snow. He totally loved it. Jeremy went with the youth group and we went along to hang out. We got him a snow suit and a pair of snow boots - he looked adorable. Jeremy let him sit on his snowboard and Jesse was able to use it as a sled. He had so much fun.

Jeremy's parents are still living with us and looking for a job. Steve has had several interviews and is in the process of a 4-5 part interview process with a company in Montgomery, Alabama. You're prayers are greatly coveted during this difficuult time.

That about wraps it up. I'm sure there is more but seeing as how it is after 9pm, ther rest will have to wait.

Christmas 2008 Photos

2008-12-16T22:00:00.000-05:00

2008 - Reflection

2008-12-16T21:09:00.008-05:00

I realized today that it's too late to type a letter and get it sent out in time for Christmas so I figured I post it here instead.

2008 has been a busy year for us. Jeremy has been with Gwinnett County Fire for 6 years now. He graduated from his Paramedic class in March and passed his Driver's test in September. I am so proud of him. With his Paramedic certification, he has been able to pick up a few shifts a month at Jackson County as a part-time Paramedic. It's definitely help us on our journey to becoming debt free. Jeremy is still with Twin Tigers Karate Academy in Winder, Georgia. Due to his busy schedule, he only has time to help out with the Demo Team, which he loves. He gets to share the love of God through Karate.

Jesse has grown so much this year. I can't begin to tell of all the growth that has occurred this year. Just in this calendar year, he's learn to crawl, walk and now he's trying to run. He knows several words and loves to have conversations with invisible people that none of us can understand!!! It's rather funny. He'll walk over to the bookcase and point to something (nothing) and begin to scold it. It cracks us up!!!

He weighs 23 pounds, 10 ounces and he's 31 inches tall. He is the sweetest little boy ever!!! He is a mommas boy but he LOVES his daddy. When Jeremy comes home from work, Jesse's eyes light up!!! I love watching them together. Jeremy is such an amazing father.

I can't believe Jesse turned 1 in September!! Now he's 15 months and I just can not believe it!! It seems like just yesterday he was born and so teenie tiny!! Now he's just amazing!!! I have been so truly blessed with an amazing husband and a beautiful baby boy!!!

God has been so gracious to me. He has worked things out and I have been a stay at home mom for 15 months!!! I am so grateful to Connie and Mike Monahan for allowing me the opportunity to work for them from home. It has been a tremendous belssing and I have been able to spend every waking hour with my little miracle!!!!

As for what's been going on in my life - I love being a mommy!!! It is the bestest job in the whole world!! I take my responsibility as a parent very seriously. I am realizing everyday that Jesse belongs to God and he is on loan to us for a very short time - which is evident in how fast he's grown and how fast the year has gone by!!!

The latter part of 2008 has been somewhat stressfull. Jeremy's parents moved in with us at the beginning of September. Steve lost his job in Arizona in March of this year. They moved in with their daughter Malinda and her family in Florida. For several reasons (mainly Steve's medical issues) they moved up here after Jesse's birthday. With the downard fall of the economy, Steve is having a very difficult time finding a new job. We covet any and all prayers during this difficult situation. We are praying that the new year will bring new opportunities. He has a few possibilities but they aren't wanting to hire right now.

Even with the ups and downs we all face, we look forward to seeing what God has planned for us in 2009. In August, we embarked on Our Journey to Financial Freedom!!! God has been amazing in providing part time hours for Jeremy and all the money he makes go to help us pay off our debt. I am very excited to see where our journey takes us in 2009. You can check out our progress and see how God is providing for us at http://www.journeytofinancialfreedom-theaustins.blogspot.com/

May your Christmas season be truly blessed!! Remember - Christmas is a birthday!!!

Merry Christmas 2008

Jeremy, Grace and Jesse

One more song

2008-11-01T22:06:00.001-04:00

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

What a friend....

2008-11-01T21:21:00.006-04:00

Lately things have been quite overwhelming and for the first time in my life I feel stressed. That may sound funny but for me, my outlook determines how I interpret the way I feel. Usually, I feel overwhelmed and not stressed. The main difference I've noticed between the two is that stress actually has physical and mental effects - being tired, sore, aching muscles, feeling depressed, not wanting to get out of bed. I can say I've honestly never felt this way in my entire life. The best way to describe it is like I'm in a pit and I can't get out nor do I have the will to. It's the scariest feeling I've ever. I could actually feel myself sinking farther into this pit. Thankfully, God allowed me to take a step back and realize how I felt; to see how destructive this pattern could become.

Most of my stress is self-induced. Just me taking on too much (in my mind). I love the quiet, it is there that I feel closest to God. When I'm still I can hear Him. But apparenty I've allowed myself to take on way to much and my thoughts have consumed me. There's the upcoming election, reading Revelation - wanting to soak up as much information about the end times as possible, and a few other things. God has been showing me that I am not allowing Him to bear my burdens for me. I ask for help and direction and then I keep the burden on my back instead of leaving it with Him, as if I can do a better job of finding the answers. Isn't that the way it always is?? :) I am finding healing through praise and prayer. I am still very weary and I still have a lot to learn. God has given me a song that has brought me comfort and I wanted to share it with you:

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry, every thing to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit, Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry, every thing to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in Prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful? Who will all our sorrow share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Saviour, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer.
In His arms He'll take and shield thee, thou wilt find a solace there.

I can't help but wonder what caused Joesph Scriven, the writer of this great hymn, to pen these wonderful words?

I looked up a few words - to gain a new perspective and this is what I found:

Cumbered - to weigh down; burden; to hamper or hinder; to litter or clutter up; a hinderance
Refuge - shelter or protection from danger
Solace - to alleviate or comfort

Father God, I've allowed all the things in life to clutter up my mind and to be a hinderance to me; to weigh me down. Lord, forgive me. I need your arms to shelter and protect me from the burdens I've borne. Please, Father, bring me comfort and alleviate my stress. Thank You Father for the privilege to carry my burdens to you. Thank You for always listening and carring for me so much. I can pray the exact same thing every day and You never grow tired of it. Please give me strength for today and a bright hope for tomorrow, Great is Thy faithfullness, Lord unto me!!!

So Sorry.....

2008-10-27T20:28:00.002-04:00

It's been nearly 2 months since I've posted anything and things have been crazy around our house. For those of you who don't know, Jeremy's parents have been living with us for 2 months now. Steve started having random seizures in August and was in and out of hospitals in Florida. (Rewind - he lost his job in Arizona in March 08 and they were living with Malinda and her family (Jeremy's sister) in Florida until the beginning of September.) Once they arrived here in September, he had another seizure and they took him to Emory where he remained for 2 weeks. Upon leaving Emory he was sent to a Rehab Facility for another week. Since being released from Rehab, they've been with us. Thankfully, he is getting better!! The doctors are fairly sure the seizures were caused by a virus that attacked his brain, causing swelling in parts of his brain. His follow up MRI is tomorrow and we are confident that God has provided the healing we've been praying for. We are still praying for a job for Steve and we would definitely covet your prayers for that as well.

As for the rest of us, Jesse is growing like a weed. He's walking so well and trying to run. He gets so excited when we go outside and he absolutely loves the outdoors. He's learning more words and sounds. He's even picked up on the baby sign language we've been trying to teach him. He is such an amazing little boy and I never grow tired of watching him grow and change. I only wish it wouldn't fly by so quickly. It seems like yesterday we were bringing him home and embarking on this wild and crazy journey. Now he's nearly 14 months old and... WOW!!! That's all I can say.

He is definitely developing a little personality. He is beginning to test the waters to see what we'll let him get away with - this is a super fun stage. :) He is so sweet and loving. He loves to cuddle and I love cuddling him!! Sometimes I still can't believe that he's mine. I know that probably sounds crazy but sometimes I feel as if I'm living a dream. I love him so much!!!

Jeremy is working hard. He received his Paramedic license in April of 2008, YAY!! Lately he's been working part time for Jackson County as a Paramedic to bring in a little extra cash. We are desparately trying to get bills payed off and learn to live according to God's financial plan. I wish we'd done this years ago!!!

Jeremy is the most awesome dad, ever!! Jesse loves him so much - you can see it on his face. He knows his daddy and nothing can keep him from Jeremy. I love watching them together. I know they will be best buds. Jeremy has far exceded my expectations as a dad. He is amazing with Jesse and I am so thankful for that.

As for me, I've been spending a lot of time in prayer lately. I have so much on my mind that the only way to sort through it is to tell it all to Jesus. Thankfully, He doesn't grow weary listening to the same prayers over and over. I somtimes grow weary in telling Him the same thing over and over and over and over and, well you get it. But I know He cares about the things on my mind. He wants to bear my burdens for me and I am gladly willing to share them. Unfortunately, I am still learning to leave those burdens at the cross and let Him fully bear them.

September was a good month for me - my baby turned 1 and I've finally lost all my pregnancy weight. I still have about 10 pounds to go to be where I want to be, but I am healthy and in good shape and that's what counts the most. I hate that's it taken a year and next time I don't plan on gaining nearly 50 pounds. :)

So that about wraps it up. Life's been hectic but I am so thankful for the life God's given me.

WOW!!!!

2008-09-11T20:57:00.004-04:00

I can't believe that my baby boy is a whole year old. Time flies and that is so unfair. He is walking and jabbering and just growing entirely too fast. I love him so very much.

Jesse's birthday was on Sunday and the day didn't go how I had hoped. But by the end of the day it turned out perfect. Jeremy and I got some tacos and had a picnic at Little Mulberry Park. Jesse swang on the swings and we did the seesaw. Then Jeremy played catch with Jesse. I was able to get a lot of great pictures. After the park we went to Scoops and Jesse had a scoop of birthday cake ice cream.

Saturday we did his party with family. He had cake everywhere. He'd take a handful and throw it. He had so much fun.

I can't believe how much he's grown over the past year. He is so much fun. Sometimes I still look at him and think, "Is he really mine?" "Am I living a dream?". I love him so much!! He has been such a blessing in our lives.

Happy Birthday, Jesse Ryan!!!

Beach Vacation

2008-07-27T21:03:00.003-04:00

I can't believe an entire week could go by so fast!! We planned for months and months and then it was over in what felt like minutes. Oh well!

It was nice to get away, but it was a lot more work than I had anticipated. Taking a 10 month old to the beach will wear you out. I feel like I need a vacation from the vacation. :)

Jeremy and I had planned on staying a few extra days after my parents went back home. After the first trip to the beach, we decided it was best for us to leave when they left. There was no way we could have done this trip by ourselves. I will be eternally grateful to my mom for being willing to spend her vacation time with us.

All in all, it was a wonderful trip. We had wonderful weather and the beach wasn't overly crowded. We did have a little fiasco at our orginal hotel. Let's just say that the photos in the brochure and on the internet did not match the rooms we were given. I don't think any of us would have felt comfortable taking a shower in the bathroom. Our room was supposed to have a full kitchen in it. It looked like they had busted out the wall, put the kitchen in and never really finished it. There were tiles missing and paint chipping off the walls. Needless to say we packed up and left. We went down the road to the hotel I wanted to stay at from the beginning. (we didn't book with them because the price was too much) They gave us the same type of room we had at the other place for the exact same price. God worked it all out in the end. In fact we both ended up with kitchens!!

Our joke of the week came from the first hotel. Jeremy and I had brought the luggage cart into the room but the door would't shut because there wasn't enough room. As we're unpacking, this guy walks into our room, looks around and then says, "I didn't realize this was a guest rom." and walks out. We were like, "Hello, there are numbers on the door just like all the other guest rooms." Then I kept thinking, what would he have done if we hadn't been in the room. So, needeless to say, we didn't feel real safe there. (When we got everything worked out at the other hotel, we were glad to see that they had 24 hour security and a monitored parking garage.) For the rest of the week, anytime one of us would come in to the others room, we'd always say, "Sorry, I didn't realize this was a guest room."

Jesse absolutely loved the beach. The first night we took him down, he ate the sand. He got better as the days went on, although he never gave up trying to eat it. He would crawl around until he got to the water. He would laugh and giggle and screech when the water came up to him. He liked to scratch the sand much like a dog would scratch dirt to bury a bone. He'd get on all fours and just start scratching at the sand. It was rather amusing.

The last day we spent at the beach, he learned to mimick the seagulls. At first it sounded as if he was calling dolphins, but Jeremy said it sounded more like seagulls. It was cute...at first. Then came the ride home. With the exception of the hour long nap he took, we rode home with a screeching seagull in the back seat. That was super fun!!

Anyway, we had a blast and while I'd like to permanenlty move to the beach, I am glad to be home.

Reminiscing

2008-06-19T20:55:00.004-04:00

I was looking through some photos of Jesse just hours old. I can't believe how much he's grown and how it feels like it was just yesterday that we embarked on this incredible journey. As I think back to the days and weeks after his birth, I am reminded of how "scared" I was. Here was this little baby and with no questions at all they were letting us take him home ~ we were solely responsible for him. I wouldn't have admitted it then, but I was scared.

I wish that I could go back now that I have a better understanding of how fast time actually goes by. I feel the need to write about thoughts and feelings I had after Jesse was born. I want to apologize to anyone that felt I was distant or rude ~ I certainly didn't not mean to come across that way. I realize that becoming a mom has different effects on each person.

For me, I just wanted to be alone as a family; to soak up every moment with this new little person. I felt that by letting someone else hold him, I was somehow losing time with him. I was suddenly aware of the passage of time the day after we brought him home. It seemed like that day, and the days after, passed in a blur. Time was no longer on my side, but continually steeling time away from me and my baby.

I know Jeremy was worried about me. I cried at least once a day for 2 weeks. I tried my hardest not to and the one day I made it all day without a single tear, they came that night. I was scared but I don't know exactly what I was sacred of. It's just a baby, but I think the lack of sleep and fluctuating hormones was more than I could actually take. I never felt depressed, just overwhelmed. I was so happy and fulfilled but I couldn't quit crying.

Lot's of people came to visit and I do want you to know that I love you all very much and I am so thankful to have friends and family like you guys. But I want you to know from the bottom of my heart, that I did not mean to come across rude or distant. I was overflowing with emotions that I had never experienced and I just wanted to be alone.

One thing I find ironic about the situation is this: Jeremy didn't want people to visit us in the hospital because he wanted that time for us. But I insisted that people would want to come by and that it would be fine. It would be rude not to let them visit. But I didn't realize how much I would want to be alone. Again, I do appreciate all the visitors we had at the hospital and at home. But if I could do it over again, I would be alone. Just me and Jeremy and Jesse, learning to be family.

Perhaps the reason for my crazy emotions was due in part to the fact that after Jesse was born, he was taken to the nursery and he stayed there for nearly 5 hours. I spent maybe 15 minutes with him after the birth and then he was gone for so long, maybe that's why I felt so disconnected. Once we made it to the recovery room, I kept asking the nurse to bring my baby to me. Apparently every woman in the county had had a baby at the same time as me and the nursery was overfilled.

I cannot describe the emotions I felt in those hours where I didn't have a baby. I know I had a baby, but it was a baby that I had only held for 15 minutes and the he was gone for 5 hours. I remember watching the clock and every time the nurse came in we'd ask again and again. Honestly, I was a nervous wreck. It maybe wrong to even suggest this, but in some small way I maybe able to sympathize with someone who has give their baby up for adoption. I cannot even begin to imagine what that would be like, but for 5 hours I had this emptiness that I cannot explain.

It makes me sad to think of the first few days and weeks of Jesse's life because emotionally I was still a wreck, my hormones were so crazy, not to mention the fact that there was no sleep. :) But I love that little boy so much!!! I only wish I had been more stable emotionally. I haven't ever mentioned this to anyone, not even Jeremy, but I couldn't even sing "Jesus Love Me" to Jesse without crying until he was about a month old.

I'm not sharing these things so you will have pity on me or think I'm completely unable to care for my child. Jesse and I have bonded in a way I may never quite understand. I love him so much and he never ceases to amaze me. It has taught me that just because I didn't get to hold my child until 5 hours after he was born, does not mean that we would never bond and mother and baby.

I am using this as a way to say I am sorry if I came across rude or distant to any of our visitors. I do appreciate you all very much. I just want you to understand what I was going through so that if in any way you felt that I was different or strange, you would not hold it against me. I know you wouldn't but I just wanted to let you know anyway.

This has been difficult to write as I have cried several times through this post, but it has been eye-opening for me. It has give me a chance to think through and remember the early days of Jesse's life; helped me to understand why I felt the way I did. So even though I wanted to apologize, this was more of an outlet for my thoughts. I appreciate anyone who was read through this entire post, thank you!!!

For anyone out there who has felt this way ~~ let's talk!!!

Goodnight all,
Grace

Being a Mom!!!

2008-06-13T21:53:00.003-04:00

I absolutely love being a mom!! When I wake up in the morning, I am greeted by a smiling, wide~eyed little boy, who melts my heart everyday!! It is true that God's mercies are new every morning because I witness in them in the laughter of my baby boy!!

I am completely fulfilled. I never could have imagined the joy that I have received from my little miracle.

Tonight he was restless and I was trying to get him to go to sleep. Lately he has let me rock him to sleep but tonight he just wanted to play with my hair. The look on his face when he'd grab a piece was priceless. His eyes said it all ~ "mommy you are so pretty!".

I just love him so very much!!!

Time Flies

2008-06-13T18:06:00.005-04:00

Life around here has been so hectic lately. Jeremy's dad lost his job in Arizona at the end of March so they've moved back here (currently living in Florida) to search for a job. They commute from Jeremy's sisters to our house for job interviews and doctor appointments. Needless to say that it's hard to get 5 minutes to yourself when you have guests. But I keep in mind that no matter how hard it is for us, it is way harder for them. Their lives have been turned upside down and I can't even beging to imagine the stress they feel.

Since my last post, Jess has started crawling (see video) and pulling himself up!! He walks along the furniture and can even climb stairs. He is working on at least two more teeth which will give him four total. He is now 9 months old and I can not believe it!!! Where has the time gone??? He is growing so fast. It is a little unfair. I wish time would slow enough for me to soak everything in.

Jesse is a born swimmer!! He loves the pool!! My mom got him a baby pool which is on the deck next to the big pool. He loves the big pool so much that he will try to climb out of the little pool to get to the big one. It's not a big problem except that the first time he did it, he fell out and got a bloody nose. Andrew was right next to him so we told people that Andrew pushed him out of the pool.

Seriously, Jesse has the best uncles in the world. They are so awesome!!! It has taken them a few months to warm up to him. I think at first they were sacred of him. But now that he is mobile and not as fragile (hey that rhymes) they like him a lot more. Just today they came out to help me unload the car and when Jesse saw them his eyes lit up and he had this huge smile on his face!!!

To be able to watch him grow and change has been one of the greatest miralces in my life. I am so thankful for the opportunity God has given me. We prayed for months that God would open doors and allow me to work from home and He did it. He answered our prayers and we are tremendously grateful for that.

I guess that about sums everything up for now. I promise, I'm going to try to keep up with this. I need to learn time management. But honestly, I have so many more important things to do that this gets put on the back burner, but I'll try. Life is so crazy hectic and I want to keep you informed!!

Update!!!

2008-04-26T22:48:00.003-04:00

WOW!! I can't believe that 2 whole months have passed since I've posted anything. Things have been so hectic lately and any free time I've had has been spent with my nose in a book. I'm sure it drives Jeremy nuts.

I am completely addicted to the Redemption series by Karen Kingsbury. I read one of the books in less than 2 days. It's funny how you get so involved in the characters lives that you begin to blur fiction and reality. One night after I'd entirely too late into the evening, I laid in bed praying, when I suddenly had the urge to pray for the characters in the book. That's when I new I was completely, utterly hooked.

Well, things here are great. Jesse is seven and a half months hold. He's beginning the motions of crawling. He's got the rocking and scooting down, but mostly he goes backwards, which didn't seem to bother him at first. Now, it makes him angry. (I have to admit that it's a little bit funny.) He's crazy awesome!!! I love him so, so, so much!!!

He said his first word today, "da da". He didn't actually say it to Jeremy, so it doens't quite count, but he still said it. I had to call Jeremy because he was at the fire station. I was hoping Jesse would say "da da" first. I'm with him every day and I wanted Jeremy to have this first. Now, I can't wait until he looks at Jeremy and says it!!!

I guess that's all for now, I really need to get some sleep. :)

WOW!!!

2008-02-22T22:52:00.007-05:00

I cannot believe that is has been over a month since my last post. Jesse & I were sick for two weeks and ever since then I've been so tired that I haven't really felt like blogging. So much has happened in the past month. Jeremy is almost done with Paramedic school and Jesse is growing like a weed.

I must say that I am truly blessed!!! I don't know why God chooses to bless us because we definitely do not deserve it! I've been wanting a new (better) camera and Jeremy and I were going to save up the money (mostly from our birthday and anniversay money) and buy a decent camera that would grow with us. Well, we finished our tax return and to our suprise - we did not owe the IRS!!! In fact, we were getting a nice return from both federal and state!!! The check came in the mail on Thursday!!! So, I went tonight and purchaed the camera and it is amazing!!! (that's actually an understatement!!) We plan to use the money from our birthdays and anniversary to purchase another lens for the camera!! Plus - we're using the rest of the money to pay off a few bills, put a roof on the back porch, and take a much needed vacation to the beach this summer!!! I am so thankful for the blessings God chooses to pour out on us!!!

So here is the scoop on Jesse - this is from my online journal entry - today, so it's written to him. Enjoy!!
I am so sorry I didn't write in the journal last week. I feel so horrible about it. However your develpoment has slowed a little and I don't want to write the same thing each week! That is not the case this week!! We are now feeding you sweetpotates and you love them!! You also love the applesauce, bananas and carrots we feed you too!! You are a very good eater!! You have learned to pull your socks off and you are still trying to get your toes into your mouth. Your legs aren't quite long enough to reach your mouth - but you sure do try!!! You are getting so close to rolling from your back to your tummy!!! I have a feeling that once you master that, it won't be long until you crawling. WOW!!! But perhaps the most exciting thing that happened this week happened on Wednesday and then again today!!! Your first tooth began to appear on Wednesday and the second one started coming in today!! It makes me a little sad because it means that my little baby boy is growing up. But I am so proud of how well your growing and changing each day!!! I feel tremendously blessed to be able to stay at home with you and to witness all these miraculous milestones!!! I love you so much!!! You giggle almost all the time and you love to eat your baby food!! You are such a blessing to our lives!!! Sometimes I wonder if you realize just how much you are loved?? I cannot wait til the day when you can wrap your little arms around my neck and say, "Mommy, I love you!" I will probably cry that day - but it will be because I am so happy and blessed by you - my little Jesse!!!!

I cannot say enough - just how much I love my little Jesse!! He is amazing, absolutely amazing!!!! I love him so very much!!!! I cannot imagine life without him!!

Jesse is 4 months and 2 weeks old!!!

2008-01-19T23:47:00.000-05:00

So much has happened this week. Jeese went to the doctor on Tuesday for some more shots. He weighs 14 pounds, 6.5 ounces and he's 25 inches long!!! WOW!! 2 pounds and 2 inches in 2 months. He is growing way too fast. He also got his first snow this week, twice!! It snowed on Wednesday and again today! He justed starred at the snow falling. I can't wait till he's old enough to play in it. Today we tried feeing him rice cereal from a spoon. That was very interesting and messy!!! Everytime I'd put the spoon in his mouth, he'd try to stick his fingers in there too. We'll try it again next week. He has discovered his feet!!! He loves to hold them and pull them up to his face. He rolls his hips from side to side and soon he'll roll from his back to his tummy. He is doing very well rolling from his tummy to his back! He is jumping like crazy in his jumperoo! He laughs all the time!! He is such a happy baby! He is sitting up better and better each day! He sits very well in his bumbo seat and when we sit behind him. Soon he'll be sitting on his own!!! I love him so much!!! I am so proud of him!!!!

Back to seriousness

2008-01-19T23:03:00.000-05:00

Since reading Mike Hickabee's book I have found a new perspective on things. My mom and I were talking recently about the fact that everything seems blurred. There is no longer a standard of right and wrong. There are no moral absolutes. The line between balck and white has become so skewed. We've made compromise after compromise until we can no longer tell the difference between good and evil. When you get right down to it, there is good and there is evil -- nothing in between.

Somewhere along the way we decided to believe this and not that. We believe the things in the Bible that appeal to our self-centered worldview and pretend that the others don't exist. Isn't that the same as "adding to or taking away"; something we are warned against in Revelation??

As I read Huckabee's book and in my daily readings in the Bible, I have found that God's Word is very clear about what we should do and what we should not do. Huckabee mentions that the problem in America is that we've left everything to personal interpretation. Because we are self-centered by nature, we will interpret God's Word's in a biased, self-satisfing way.

What I have noticed is that when God gave Moses the Law He made everything crystal clear!! There wasn't don't do this unless... It says "Do not.... How hard is that to interpret. Do not means Do not. There is no connfusion, no what if's. But we have taken God's laws and made ammendments to them to make oursleves feel less gulity for the sins we committ. We make compromises and changes to the "law" so it fits into our box - it fits our lifestyle, when we should be molding ourselves to fit into God's box. I am so tired of people using God as a crutch!!! To me that is a spit in the face to God.

As I was reading Leviticus, it occured to me that the Israelites took the law and the commandments seriously. If they didn't follow the instruction to a "T", they would be killed. God struck Aaron's two sons dead for not folling His instructions regarding offering procedures. The problem is that we don't take God seriously. Very few people fear God these days.

One of the biggest problems we have it that we don't memorize scripture anymore. I am guilty here too. I have known this my whole life, but it has become increasingly evident to me over the past few weeks - every answer we will ever need is in the Bible!!!

Are we willing to accept God's answer and make the necessary changes in our lives???

Just for the fun of it!

2008-01-19T23:00:00.001-05:00

watch the older boy's face when Charlie bites him the second time.

What I Believe ......

2008-01-19T19:10:00.000-05:00

Ok, so with the upcoming elections, I've been reading "Character Makes a Difference" by Mike Huckabee. In it he talks about how we have replaced God's Standards with our own interpretation of it. This is dangerous because we tend to interpret it in a selfish, humanistic way. He points out that if we view humans as basically good then we will seek to educate and inform so that the behavior will change. But if we view humans as God does, basically self-centered, then we will hold people responsible for their actions; consequences/punishment must be faced. The example he uses is drugs: basically good, teach them that drugs are bad - then they won't use them; basically self-centered, put them in jail and take away their liberties.

He states that every answer we will ever need to anything is the 10 Commandments. He also talks about knowing your convictions and drawing a line that you will not cross.

I've also been reading through the Bible with Jesse each night. Right now we are in Leviticus and I was (still am) getting bored with it because it is all about the Laws. It has made me so thankful that I am no longer under the law but under grace.

So, I feel like God is challenging me to deifne my beliefs. To write out what I believe to be true based on what the Bible says. Here goes:

I believe that:

Jesus is the only begotten Son of God
the Bible is the inspired, infallible, inerrant Word of God
Jesus was born of a Virgin
Jesus became 100% man while remaining 100% God on the earth
Jesus was sent to earth to die for my sins
Jesus is the only way to Heaven
Jesus lived a perfect, sinless life
God the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit make up the Trinity, 3-in-1

Things that are wrong - (based upon the Bible)

Murder & Abortion - even in the case of incest, or rape
Anything that harms the body - smoking, drunkenness, drugs, ect.
Sex before and outside of marriage
Pornography
Lying, cheating and stealing
Cursing, taking the Lord's name in vain
Gay marriage and unions
Gossip and False Witness

.... Jesse is about ready for his bottle so I will continue this later.

Just a bit of randomness, really. But it means alot to me.

2008-01-05T21:43:00.000-05:00

So I've been thinking a lot lately about my family. Everyone is getting older and to be honest, I am so pround of my brothers and my cousins. That may sound really weird. The thing is, we all were raised by 3 different women who were raised by the same parents and each one of them raised their children differently from the other. (I am speaking of my mom and her 2 sisters.)

I often wonder what will happen to our family once my grandparents go to be with the Lord. What I mean is they are the spiritual glue that holds our family together. They pray for each of their children and their spouses and for all of thier grandchildren and great grandchildren each night by name. I know how my mom raised me and I know how her prayer life is. I know that she is almost exactly like my grandparents. In my family, I know she will continue the spiritual traditions that my grandparents have begun. But I often wonder what will happen to "the cousins" when that day comes.

It may sound terrible but it's hard to talk to my cousins about their relationship with God. I don't want to be the nosy, "mother hen" of the cousins. But I was just on my myspace and I was looking at all of theirs and they all talk about their realtionship with God. It may sound corny, but that really means a lot to me. It's nice to see that they are all so open about it.

The older I get the more I realize just how important my relationship with Christ is. I also know that with each generation we compromise a little more. My mom and I were talking about it this afternoon - about how things are no longer black and white (right & wrong). There are more gray areas - the line between right and wrong get more blurry with each generation. I fear that eventually, we will blend in with the rest of the world.

I know I'm babbling and some of this is scattered. (at least it feels that way to me.) But I just wanted to say that I am so proud of my brothers and my cousins. We may joke around a lot but we're all on the right track!! I hope this makes some kind of sense. :)

MercyMe - Bring The Rain

2008-01-01T22:16:00.001-05:00

This song has become our "2007 anthem". This song brought us so much encouragment and everytime we were down or discouraged this song would come on the radio and we would know -- God is still here and He knows what's going on and He will provide for us.

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Selah"
Psalms 68:19

A New Year

2008-01-01T21:37:00.000-05:00

It's hard to believe that 2008 is here. It seems like we just started 2007.

2007 felt like it would never end, yet it seemed to go by too fast. So many things happened in 2007 - we found out we were expecting, we found out we owed the IRS, we prayed for a miracle so I could stay at home with the baby, Jeremy began working on his Paramedic license, we welcomed our beautiful baby boy into the world on Sept. 7th, and after 8 weeks of maternity leave we got our miracle. I feel so blessed to be a stay at home mom. I love being with my son!!!

I can't wait to see what 2008 holds for us. 2007 brought good times and bad and the circumstances that arose through out the year forced us to look further than oursleves. We learned that God is there waitng to meet our needs. There were times through out the year where I didn't know how the bills would get paid, but every time we needed something, God provided it. I remember one time in particular, I don't know exactly what we needed money for but we received a refund check from our car insurance company, and I was cleaning out a box and found a birthday check from the year before. When I took it to the bank they cashed it with out any questions!! The total of the two checks was exactly what we needed to pay the bill. I was completely amazed but that's how God works.

I am so thankful for the lessons we've learned this past year. We have grown closer to God and to each other. Given the opportunity, I wouldn't change anything about 2007!!!!

Jeremy - A to Z

2007-12-09T22:18:00.001-05:00

Jeremy is ......

A- admirable
B- best friend
C- calm
D- daring
E- easy-going
F- friendly
G- God-fearing
H-handsome
I- interesting
J- just
K-kind
L- loveable
M- magnificent
N- noble
O- optimistic
P- promise keeper, protector
Q- quick-witted
R-respectable
S- sensitive
T- trustworthy
U- up-beat, understanding
V- visonary
W- wonderful, worshipful
X- x-tremely grateful
Y-youthful
Z-zestful

i love you honey!!!

3 months old

2007-12-09T21:59:00.000-05:00

I can't believe my baby boy is 3 months old. Time has flown by and I am so thankful that I have been able to spend every day with him. He is my precious!

He is such a good boy. This week he found his thumb. It is the cutest thing ever. He has been sleeping through the night for about 2 weeks now, sometimes for 12 hours.

We took him to have his pictures made and he did so well. He is so photogenic. And if I may say so, he is so beautiful. I love him so much.

I am still reading the Bible to him and praying over him each night. I love our mommy/baby time. He giggles and coos all the time. When he wakes up he'll stretch and then look up at me and smile. It is the sweetest thing in the whole world. I am amazed at everything he does. He learns or does something new everyday. I can't imagine life without him now. He is such a blessing to our lives. I just love him so much!!!

Thanks Mom!

2007-12-05T22:20:00.000-05:00

I know raising me wasn't easy and we butted heads alot. I know we don't say thank you enough - so this is for you, Mom.

Thanks for caring enough about me to say "No". Thanks for being so picky about the people I hung out with. Thanks for always being in my business. Thank you for being strong enough to set boundaries and stick to them. Thank you for always being there to listen and not judge. Thank you for your godly infulence. Thanks for being the "parent" in the relationship. Thank you for all your prayers. Thank you for your stubbonrness and determination - you always took your role seriously and never let anything slide. Thank you for being consistent in everything. Thanks for always watching out for me. Thanks for letting me fail and being there to pick me back up again. Thanks for not giving in. Thanks for standing strong. Thank you for your discipline and correction. Thanks for setting a godly example for me to follow. Thank you for everything!!!

I look at where I could be and I realize that it is beacuse of your determination, your persistentness and faithfulness, but most of all your love that I am where I am today.

Thank you Mom!

--Grace

My Mom - A to Z

2007-12-05T21:59:00.000-05:00

I've had this on my heart the past few days and there will be another post to follow in the next few days. I want to take a few moments to descirbe my mom from A-Z.

A- amazing
B- beautiful
C- calm, caring, compassionate
D- dedicated, determined, dependable
E- energetic
F- faithful
G- God-Fearing
H- honorable
I- integrity
J- joyful
K- kind
L- loving
M- marvelous
N- needed, North Star
O- one of a kind
P- prayer warrior, patient,
Q- queenly
R- respectable
S- steady
T- true
U- unwaivering
V- victorious
W- wonderful
X- xtra-ordinary
Y- young at heart
Z- zestful, zippy, zealous

I love you mom!

Randomness

2007-11-29T21:43:00.000-05:00

I haven't had much time to think about deep things this past week. So here are a few random things I thought I'd share.

How Jesse got his name -
Jeremy wanted Jesse James. (After the outlaw, not the West Coast Chopper guy) Well that was never going to happen. But I did like Jesse and he was a man in the Bible. In fact he was David's father. Something I find sort of ironic is Jesse was from the City of David or Bethlehem and we live in Bethlehem (GA). Jesse means God Exists. The suggested Bible verse is Psalms 31:21 - "Blessed be the Lord, for He has shown His loving kindness as in an entrenched city." As for his middle name, I have always like Ryan and they went well together. So Jesse Ryan it was. Ryan means Little King and it's Bible verse is Psalms 112:5 - "It is well with him who is generous and ready to lend, the man who conducts his business with fairness."

God cares about what?!?!?
I was reading to Jesse tonight and we're in Job 39. God is speaking to Job here and He asks Job if he sees when the mountain goat gives birth. What a wonderful God we have. He knows when the animals give birth! - Why do we question His love or care for us??? When you consider the extreme vastness of just our planet, it amazes me how great and wonderful God is. He cares for everyone and everything on Earth. WOW!!!! I can not ever begin to comprehend everything that God knows. He knows everything about every person and animal and plant. It truly is amazing!!!

Babies grow up too fast!!!
I sit and look at Jesse and I think, "Am I going to remember all these precious moments when he's grown?" Honestly, it's hard for me to remember the first few days of his life. He had to have is billirubin levels checked each day for the first 4 days of his life so it was pretty hectic. And then there was the obvious lack of sleep. I look back at his pictures and I miss him being so little but then I look at him now and I amazed at his growth. I am excited about the future and all the fun things we'll do together but I know I will long for these moments. I love our bedtime stories from the Bible and our prayers each night. I just stare at him, taking in every feature. I know he can't stay little forever but if it could last just a little longer.....

Well that's about all I have for now. I'm getting tired and it's getting late so I'll say farewell for now.

Grace

More on Parenting

2007-11-26T10:13:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about this subject and I feel compelled to share my thoughts.

Being a parent is not just about being the boss. One thing God has been showing me lately is how to be attentive to Jesse's needs. It's so easy for me to get wrapped up in "me" land. Whether it's housework or just goofing off on the computer, there are times when I find myself getting frustrated with him for "interrupting" whatever I happen to be doing. But then I have to stop and remember that he can't do anything for himself and unfortunately there will come a day when he doesn't rely on me. It's hard to put aside your "stuff" to help someone else. It takes a lot to put someone else's needs above yours.

As I am writing this it occurs to me how much this little guy is teaching me about the love of Christ. He put all of heaven aside to come to earth and die on the cross for me. WOW!!! It's amazing how that puts everything into perspective!!!

Jesse relies on me 100% of the time and here's another little lesson -- he relies on me FULLY. He trusts that when he cries I will go to him and find out what is wrong. I will love and comfort him. Isn't that the way Christ is with us?? We can sure learn a lot from babies.

Being attentive to your child's needs is not rocket science, but it does take time. I have to spend time with Jesse in order to find out what makes him tick. He's 11 weeks old and I can tell you when he is hungry, tired, or sick. I know how he wants to be held and when he just needs to be cuddled. These are things I learned by being with him 24/7. I know that a crying baby can be annoying but that's the only way he communicates. And if we're in a store or restaurant, rather than getting upset, I put aside whatever I'm doing to find out what's wrong and to comfort him.

Putting aside my "wants" means that Jesse comes first. That means saying no to things because it will interfere with his schedule. It means being aware of his needs and knowing my limits. When I'm tired and it's easier for me to get frustrated, it's best to just stay at home where everyone is much more comfortable. It's not easy to put your wants aside but one thing I've learned is that I am much happier and he is much happier when I put him first. It may mean excusing myself at a gathering to tend to him but it is worth it. I want Jesse growing up in a home where he feels loved and secure.

Jeremy mentioned the other day that he didn't think it was good that I was the only one who was able to calm Jesse. But I think it shows just how involved I am with Jesse. When he's on the floor I am there with him playing and talking to him. At bedtime I feed him and then I read and sing to him, every night. Why? Because it's important to me that I spend that quality time with him. It's important that I build a strong relationship with him now. I see what a good relationship my mom has with my brothers. They tell her they love her and they hug her and kiss her on the cheek, because she took the time when they were younger to build a strong relationship with them.

Being a parent is about self-sacrifice. In today's society everyone is looking out for #1. We live in a very self-centered - me,me,me - my, my, my - world. When you have a child you have to become self-less. Jesse is going to pick up on our character traits as he grows. I don't want him learning how to be selfish or self-centered from me or Jeremy. If I practice selfishness or I put my self above all others then he will do the same. As a parent, I have to set the example if I want him to follow it. I also have to be consistent with my example. I can not say one thing and do the exact opposite. The way I see it, Jesse is already learning things from me and Jeremy. We need to set an example now if we want him to follow it later.

As parents we have incredible task ahead of us. Unfortunately, I don't think many parents understand the vastness of this responsibility. As Christian parents the task is even greater because we are raising children that will either be strong Christian leaders or they'll be lazy, unconcerned (fire insurance) Christians. My prayer is that God will use Jesse in a mighty way and that we will raise him in such a way that it will bring honor and glory to God.

Parenting

2007-11-25T19:00:00.000-05:00

So I've been thinking lately about being a parent. There is so much information out there and everyone has their opinions about parenting. But I find that, as with all other aspects of life, the answers to my questions can be answered by one person -- God. I don't take the job of parenting lightly. God has entrusted this wonderful child to our care here on earth and it is our job to raise him according to God's plan.

The decisions that Jesse makes as he grows are directly related to the way in which we raise him. It is so important that he sees Christ reflected in our lives on a daily basis. It's not enough that we take him to church every Sunday, he has to see the consistency in our lives. He has to see that Christ is real to us. The greatest responsibility that we have is to teach our son about God's love and what he did for us on Calvary. The greatest reward we could ever receive on earth is knowing that we lived our lives in such a way that brought honor and glory to God, that through our examples Jesse comes to know Christ as his personal Lord and Savior and lives a life that is pleasing to God.

I have started reading the Bible to Jesse. I know he doesn't understand what I am reading but the fact is that I am reading to him and he hears my voice. It's our special mommy/baby time each night. By the time he is a year old we will have read the entire Bible.

I pray over him each and every night because I fully believe that Satan will try anything to keep Jesse from coming to Christ and in today's society he doesn't have to try hard. There are so many things that keep us from spending time with God. I think that we've bought into this idea that God will understand why we do the things we do and we justify things that are not pleasing to Him.

Genesis 9:5 says that God will demand an accounting of each person. My parents used to tell me this all the time but it never really made any sense to me until Jesse was born. Now we are responsible to God for this life that He has entrusted to us. One day we will stand before God in heaven and have to answer to Him for everything we allowed in our lives and in Jesse's life. That puts a huge responsibility on us as parents. When I look at it that way, it puts everything into perspective.

I am so grateful for the chance to raise Jesse and teach him about God. I know it won't be easy but I know that God has a plan and with Him by our side we can do anything!!!

The most beautiful baby boy!!

2007-11-23T17:24:00.000-05:00

Jesse is now 11 weeks old. He is growing like a weed. He is sleeping through the night -- mostly. He goes to bed around 8:30 and usually sleeps til 5. Unfortunately, 5am is still night time to me.

We celebrated his First Thanksgiving yesterday. He did so well - being passed back and forth to everyone.

He is holding his head up very well and he "scoots" - it's more like he wiggles until he's done a 180 in his crib. Lately he's "scooted" himself into the corner of his crib and we have to move him back to the center. It won't be long until he rolls over. I think it's a matter of getting the rhythm down to roll himself. He gets his head and his legs up and his hips wiggle from side to side.

I am amazed at how fast he is growing and at all the new things he learns everyday. It truly is amazing. There are times when I get sad because it's going by so fast. Last night I was rocking him to sleep and I prayed that God would help me never forget the precious look on his face as he fell asleep. I feel so blessed to be able to stay at home and to be able to witness the incredible changes each and everyday.

Children are truly a miracle from God!!!

Hello!

2007-11-23T11:58:00.000-05:00

I guess I'll start from the beginning for those of you who aren't totally familiar with our family. I met the love of my life in 1998 on a youth retreat. However, I didn't know that he was the love of my life beacuse I was seeing someone else at the time. In November of 1999, Jeremy and I beagn talking to each other and he began calling me. By the middle of December, we were sort of an item. We had become such good friends over the previous weeks. We loved each others company and just being together. We went on the youth group ski retreat together that December. We decided to see each other exculsively on January 1, 2000 and the rest is history.

He proposed on July 5, 2001 and we were married June 15, 2002. It's hard to believe that it's been five years -- some days it feels like we've been together forever. We have our differences but we always work them out.

We have a beautiful baby boy. Jesse Ryan was born on September 7, 2007 and 1:12pm, weighing 7 pounds, 9 ounces. He is the light of our lives. He amazes me everyday!!

For us, 2007 has been a year of trials. We have grown so much over the past year -- more than I think we've had to our entire marriage. We've grown closer to God and to each other. Trials are not easy when you're in the middle of them but when you come out the other side stronger and closer than ever before -- that is the greatest feeling in the world. God has never ceased to provide for our every need. I heard someone say that God provides for our needs not our wants. When it comes right down to it, you learn very quickly the difference between a need and a want. God has always been faithful to us and we wouldn't trade the lessons we've learned this year for anything in the world.

Jeremy has been a firefighter for Gwinnett County for 5 years now and is in the process of getting his Paramedic license. I have been working for Faith Academy for 4 years. We both began praying that God would provide a way for me to be able to stay at home with Jesse. He began opening the doors in May and I am now working full time from home for one of my mom's friends. I am loving every minute of it. There is no greater joy than to be able to raise the children God has given us.

Well, that's us in a nutshell. Keep checking back to see what's going on in the always crazy life of the fireman's family.

Love to all

Jeremy, Grace & Jesse